Deep down, I know that I shouldn't complain. I have a decent job and live fairly comfortably, but every now and then I can't help but wonder if I'm on the right path. God knows I never dreamed of being a corporate design monkey when I was a kid, and I miss the days when painting actually meant something other than a paycheck.
An older piece, back when I still painted because I loved it.
I'm wondering if I should just grow up and get with the program. Millions of people have regular jobs with regular companies, doing regular work and living regular lives. Should I forget about everything I wanted to be as a child, forget about all the dreams and hopes and wishes?
Part of me wants to be sensible. Part of me loves all the things-- all these lovely little baubles that paycheck art can bring. I love my creature comforts, I love my dinners out and my vacations abroad and my fancy tech. I want to be successful and rich and happy, (who doesn't?), and I want the apple pie life that everyone my age seems determined to get.
The other part of me, however-- the part that stays awake at night and can't stop staring into the dark-- is sick to her stomach. This is the part of me that wonders why I'm doing what I'm doing. This is the part of me that remembers that when I was a kid, all I wanted in the world was to be able to draw so I could articulate on paper what was in my heart and mind. This is the part of me that is disgusted, literally disgusted, because now that I have acquired the skills I need to do this, I waste it on commercial bits of nonsense that will cease to matter as quickly as I have made them.
2010 has gone by in an eyeblink and I'm a year older but not even a little bit wiser. Ambition is a two-edged sword-- it makes me want to be better, but at the same time... it makes me want to be better.
2011 is coming, and I wonder what tidings it will bring.
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13 comments:
dont be disheartened. all u need is an outlet for ur own personal creative expression! press on :)
Money isn't everything, but it sure helps. I still believe, though, that life is too short to be doing things that you don't love doing. I believe you can do what you love and earn from it at the same time. Sometimes you have to live with earning less, but it's still better than doing something you hate.
Good luck, Lizz. I'm looking forward to 2011. :)
Jamie K- Thank you. :) I think you've found a great way to express yourself... your nail work is beautiful.
Carol- True, true. I just have to learn to be less materialistic, sigh.
being an artist is such a special talent! I hope and pray that you will make the best use of your gift and live a happy and fulfilling life <3 perhaps you can start your own business soon :3
this is something i think most of us are dealing with.
it's good to enjoy what you spend so much of your day doing. don't be afraid to try something new...going after what you want is your purpose in life : ) if you end up making a mistake, you can always go back to what you're doing now.
thanks for sharing
hmmm i've seen a lot of friends from upper batches who are also thinking of a career shift.
At the end of the day, I think it's important that you love what you're doing. :) maybe list down the pros and cons about your options and ride through the feelings for a week or two then assess :)
That's the thing when one becomes a designer...your works are used by other people, which is why you always have to follow certain guidelines. Unlike with art, where you can just express yourself.
I do hope you draw like that again, for yourself and not for anyone else. (I actually find it really amazing that you took both Studio Arts and Viscomm at UP pa. Magka-away yung departments na yun eh. Haha!) I suppose all artists go through the same phase. It's the viscommunicator in you that makes the money, but it's the studio artist that wants to express. You'll have to cater to both equally so that you can maintain your balance.
You're such a good artist. I hope you'll hold an exhibit again someday. I sure would love to blog about it. Hehe. :D
Hi Lizz!
You only live once, it's about time you follow what your heart desires.
xoxo
MrsM
relate na relate! :D
don't be too hard on yourself, you're such a great artist lizz..
i agree with MrsM, follow what your heart desires. good luck! :)
i super understand where you're coming from lizz...it's like the same dilemma i'm in, working at a call center and earning decently even though it's not something i had in mind when i was younger. but then my priorities had to change when i chose to have a family at a young age and aiming for cash should be no question. but for you, think of it this way, even though you are tied to the demands of your current job, it kinda is still in line with your art, which is something not everyone has the privilege of. so i guess it would help if you make a visible whatever of the things you currently should be thankful for and the things that you should be aiming for...i'm sure you could draw some contentment from there...then pray, hope and don't worry (-quoted from somewhere)! happy birthday btw! :D
Saving Capulet- Thank you, hun! I hope I can, as well. :)
SSSDawna- Thank you! I should really try to be brave... I'm still young, I can still afford to test the waters, haha.
Smarla- Thanks, I will!
Skysenshi- Thank you, dear. I had 2 exhibits this year, so I think maybe sometime mid next year will be the next one? :D I'll definitely blog about it and let you know. And haha, they always say that there's a rivalry but you know, I never actually felt it. I guess I'm just oblivious. XD
Mrs M and DianneRegina- That's so true, but I also want to live well kasi! Haaay I'm so materialistic, haha.
Bianca- It's also why I'm scared to start a family right now. I really want kids eventually, but I'm scared to start at this point in my life because I know I'll be forced to make more money-minded decisions... Unlike now, I can still handle risk and the only cost is my little luxuries... But yes, thank you for the words of encouragement. I super appreciate them. :) *hugs*
I feel exactly the same! I think I'm a bit older (27) but I know the feeling. I'm perpetually torn between the "normal" life (a steady job, a quite life) and art and adventures.
My father is an artist and I truly respect his choice however my parents often struggle financially. I made myself the promise I would be more responsible with money and thus had to compromise with my passions. Plus, I like working... it's just that I still need art and adventure in my life and that once you choose the corporate path, you often find yourself too tired to do anything else.
I try to find a balance but it's not easy.
Yay! Will look forward to visiting your exhibit. :D
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